[ Realistic is Ruthless ]

2009-11-11T10:38:00.003+08:00

Fear this not anymore but here comes another one.

It has reach to a point that I have to make another progression of finding a job flexible enough to fit my lifestyle. Where on earth can I get such job other than F&B. So yes, I have to be back to that line again though I'm hoping for something more refreshing.

In my mind, there is this cafe cum restaurant cum salon that seems appealing to me in terms of environment. Through the years, I've been in a fast paced environment, by far it doesn't seem so from my visits. Personally I find it tiring to learn new things all over again, but looking at the possibly of myself to learn to make desserts, it's not too bad after all.

Having said so, hopefully things are smooth for me. Gauging this as a two months thing.

2009-11-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

Fear for tomorrow...

BC:90
SPIN:12
BP:34
BB:8
BA:6
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1

2009-11-10T01:40:00.002+08:00

Am pretty worn out from classes today, stating the fact that I've put in lots of effort. I believe it's all in my blood that I shall be mold for anything related to fitness.

Another fact is that I'm so worn out to think, I better save the better for the next.

BC:88
SPIN:12
BP:34
BB:8
BA:6
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1

2009-11-09T01:24:00.001+08:00

At the recent has been tracking my finance, it's like doing something with no tail, bad.

BC:85
SPIN:12
BP:34
BB:8
BA:5
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1

2009-11-07T00:44:00.002+08:00

It has come to a point when I feel worn out after 2 hours of class, 1 BP following by 1 BC. Though this feeling only comes upon the third class months back, I'm more satisfied with this result as I'm working more effectively on the core muscles. I should say this is a progress.

For today's BP, I feel ready for the next level for some parts & loaded up the weights, per side, 15kg for squats and 10kg for chest. Tough but got through them, chest was very shaky for me. Biceps and triceps most probably I'll load up a Kg more. Ah gong was very nice enough to motivate me along the way & felt like a companion. Looking forward to do pump with him again.

Here comes BC & I have a new habit of keeping track of time. To check the level of tiredness, which to date it comes at around 20mins later. For the rest of 40mins it's really about endurance and I'll check myself more at the mirror. I should say the mental strength has to step in & constantly ask to maintain myself in terms of postures, techniques & strength. My nature is setting expectations for myself especially when I have passion or affections over matters.

What ever I have attained from the things I've done, is just another leading future. Am sure of the things, effort & decision I've made by far. Everyone has a weakness however, for mine is relationship & I find it darn stupid. Still, it's something so natural and I've yet to find an answer to convince myself that it's useless. Having said so, definitely someone has tuned on this weakness of mine.

I'm coming to a level which I can't afford to make much mistakes already or I'll just be taking another wrong step again. The fact others deem me as young & still able to take chances, however I deem myself as too old for risks. The more I look back, the more I see the competitive generations rising, I just have to stay focus.

Weird to say I feel the stress coming up already.

Yes, I do find the joy in solitary moments of chilling out, but there is a huge price to pay definitely.

BC:81
SPIN:12
BP:33
BB:8
BA:5
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1

2009-11-06T01:49:00.000+08:00

Step one was brain wrecking for me.

BC:80
SPIN:12
BP:32
BB:8
BA:5
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1

2009-11-05T01:38:00.001+08:00

BC:79
SPIN:12
BP:32
BB:8
BA:5
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:1

2009-11-04T13:21:00.002+08:00

The very first time I misread the schedule & turning up for the wrong class. The fact that effort was done to attend the class yet diminished due to me overlooking the actual time, feel totally disappointed. Then to realize a personality within me - expecting myself to go through a systematic lifestyle. Like a automated machine, it's almost impossible for it to skip a step, otherwise it will go hay wired. Still have to say this from great influence - shan't expect to make certain mistakes, I will never forgive myself.

To date, shall be my third month of membership with TF after two weeks. Nothing beats BC still & the passion for it just keep rising. It comes to an extend when I'm looking for or at the greater height of it so that the fire won't go off. Am not sure if it's too early, but I'm looking forward to BC filming at NZ Auckland already. There are many purposes to it; to feel the BC environment differences of it at the 'mother land'; experience the inexperienced; see for myself how great Dan & Rach are(I believe there are hidden talents too); target setting for myself so I can stay away from lazy mood(hopefully); a promise with Hui Fang; a holiday. At the current with a wishful hope to blend passion but then has to cast this aside for nature to take it's course.

At the recent, things are not looking good for me. Probably I've taken situations too personally, & taking words by words might misunderstood the message put across, which ended up me with nothing. Once a rather close friend of mine commented that I'm holding on to my pride too high, actually this friend is the second one next to a once very close one of mine to say so. I think back & thought that pride is the last thing I shall hold on to, I will never let it go because losing it is just like losing a soul, I will never be me anymore. After all, it's parental influences which I totally agree - a pride to show but never let go. This could be the reason why I'm read as fiery from astrology, interesting that it linked.

Something about me is I don't like my time to be wasted & I don't see thing as it is(trying my best). For instance, money, it's like an exchanging tool for me, I'll ask myself what can I exchange for with this sum, whether it's worth for. For food, usually I won't think twice unless it's too pricey and I believe my taste based on the judgments from my F&B & life experiences. To help out a friend with financial matters - this have to depends on how close am I to another party, usually I won't ask for returns unless I'm darn broke, any amount is perfectly fine as long as within my range. Having said so, I'm usually dried up towards the next pay date & I'm living up to my motto - die liao then say.

Well, after this post, I guess I have to change my motto, otherwise my target will just be a dream.

2009-11-04T01:32:00.001+08:00

BC:77
SPIN:12
BP:32
BB:8
BA:5
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:1

2009-11-01T00:15:00.001+08:00

the day i first lose my glove... my left glove.. super duper sad........

BC:74
SPIN:12
BP:30
BB:7
BA:4
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:1

2009-10-31T01:34:00.002+08:00

It comes to the point when I'm totally not looking forward to work anymore. Seriously it's disappointed enough that politic stuff chuck in when management is bad already. I'm all out, I don't care anymore.

Sadden to see, sadden to hear, worst part is sadden to experience all these short-comings. Certain things don't need certain existence anymore. Then the rising passion diminished at that very instance.

It's just a passing time for me now. Things are simple, either you can put across it, or you simply can't.

Now fuck off, you don't deserve me.

BC:73
SPIN:12
BP:30
BB:7
BA:4
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:1

2009-10-30T11:10:00.002+08:00

By looking at memories, it almost cleared the doubts. Either way to think that things are better off putting it at another way.

Am afraid to fall in to denial which then unnecessary adrenaline rushes again.

Time, I still need time.

Probably it's due soon and I'm pretty excited over it. There is more important for me.

Then to find interesting stuffs which becomes my target, it becomes good distractions.

Not that the ones shall be overlooked aren't important, maybe it's not the time yet.

BC:72
SPIN:12
BP:30
BB:7
BA:4
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:1

2009-10-29T00:29:00.001+08:00

BC:71
SPIN:12
BP:30
BB:7
BA:4
G&J:1
BJ:4

2009-10-28T00:20:00.002+08:00

Seriously I wouldn't know how to handle certain things when it came down like a bomb going off soon anytime. Then to be ignorance towards it doesn't seem to be the most ideal way, yet to feel effective over it. So how?

Then all sort of dramas come in & all I did was to sit & watch. Episodes by episodes, honestly got sick & tired of if yet non-stopping. How?

To sit down & explain, no way.

Running away is not the best idea & was told to be brave & face it.

Faced it yet tiring, so get through it.

Till now has been very contented yet confusing. A balance? Keep it to yourself.

More to come, more to conquer.

More to see, more to realize & more to understand.

In a way, believe more to feel disappointed, unless prove otherwise.

Remain muted shall be good in a way which you see whether the interest is there, yet again aching.

Somehow this place has been a place to throw things out indirectly.

Random thoughts - if no one has even been in your shoes, how exactly will you be understood, this is where the acceptance is, or say not even willing to try. Worst could be using another kind of 'eye' to look at you.

Sigh.

Wonder when will this kind of feeling subsides.

Miracles? Hopefully...

BC:70
SPIN:12
BP:29
BB:7
BA:4
G&J:1
BJ:3

2009-10-27T00:11:00.001+08:00

another wonderful fantasy again. it felt best when everything is natural, yet heart aching.

BC:68
SPIN:12
BP:29
BB:7
BA:4
G&J:1
BJ:3

2009-10-26T01:19:00.000+08:00

Front row.

BC:66
SPIN:12
BP:29
BB:7
BA:3
G&J:1
BJ:3

2009-10-25T02:38:00.000+08:00

am contented already.. this is the flow..

BC:65
SPIN:12
BP:28
BB:7
BA:3
G&J:1
BJ:3

2009-10-23T23:53:00.002+08:00

The word young stated a lot of the possible upcoming of a particular youngster. What goes in to the ear & the ability to absorb them deems important in a way that factors the changes.

If one shall break through the barrier of being kept in the safe, using that ability to enforce & enrich on certain things that improves your lifestyle, it just seem so wonderful.

Of all, on the realistic world which this kind of paper is important, which people dying to see, see it too 'big' which forgoes another kind of purpose.

To date, being grateful to understand that is actually a form of challenge, a thrill to acknowledge, yet a dare to try.

It was a jubilant moment, much appreciated.

BC:64
SPIN:12
BP:28
BB:7
BA:3
G&J:1
BJ:3

2009-10-21T11:15:00.001+08:00

BC:60
SPIN:12
BP:27
BB:7
BA:3
G&J:1
BJ:3

2009-10-16T00:53:00.002+08:00

The no.5 has always been my fated, lucky & favorite number. Therefore, for the 55th BC class was another favorite class with mixtures of retro & modern tracks. I can't remember the name of this particular track that I love from the class, the track seems to be related to horse riding. Even ah fang never do it before! Love the way the song paced us & controlling our adrenaline which made us push to the max! AWESOME!

Then didn't expect myself to do a back to back class, which I rushed down to another club for BP. Could be due to the previous class, the adrenaline sustained & my body asked for more, the green light came & off I go. Almost die out at the biceps, luckily the music & motivating instructor aided.

Prelude for next month is out already, its saddening to hear my November schedule has many night shifts, so I'm expecting to miss so many of my favorite classes! The good part is new things are implementing in to our restaurant which shall make the place more exciting like new list of menu! We could be seeing new faces but losing some faces, part of people come & go story.

Anyways, I shall update the new menu with details soon, taking it as my homework.

BC:55
SPIN:12
BP:26
BB:7
BA:2
G&J:1
BJ:2

2009-10-15T10:30:00.002+08:00

Certain things are just a blink away

yet certain things are just so far away

but when it's just a thought away

I'm contented already

For a moment it will be a good laugh

yet for a moment it will be a good sulk

for a moment I felt the adrenaline rush

and for a moment you will eased it

without fail would be a kind of feeling consistently

though there would be lots to answer

lots to bear

I wouldn't care

but then the nature me doesn't really work that way

it felt like breaking the walls every now and then

sometimes I just need a hand to guide me to fly

I think I see it

I think I felt it

I think I had it

I think I need to know

if it's the nature me, I'll cast these all aside

then to clench in fist & work them out

everything will be numbed

how I wish it's never ending

never ever ending

but then it's just an eye away

damn

BC:54
SPIN:12
BP:26
BB:7
BA:2
G&J:1
BJ:2

2009-10-12T06:42:00.001+08:00

50th BC class! It just keep going & going. A new week & it seems to be a fresh start of everything I've learned again, so many tracks unfamiliar to me & I wonder when shall I be able to conquer them.

Do it from the heart & the move says it all =)

BC:50
SPIN:12
BP:24
BB:7
BA:2
G&J:1
BJ:1

2009-10-10T01:24:00.001+08:00

BC:47
SPIN:12
BP:23
BB:7
BA:2
G&J:1
BJ:1

2009-10-09T01:18:00.003+08:00

Had a great evening over a sumptuous meal at Mariner's Corner Restaurant with two of my great friends and another one whom I just being introduced. Simply love the environment and ambiance which is of similar to Jack's place, but I should say it's of a better dining experience than any others I had.

The best part is of the laid back feeling the restaurant gives, the concept and furniture remains the same despite over 26 years. Of course these information I've gotten was from my questions and I guess only me felt interested over these.

To add on, from uncle Raymond Foo, Mariners Corner boss was actually of related to Jack's place which actually where he came from despite me knowing his status over there. Then this lovely uncle actually has been working with him over the past years which I suppose it's a 'I shall follow you' thing. This which I think it's a very sweet thing that a familiarization and trust is there that made the whole restaurant more complete despite the presence of foreign servers.

To me, from my experience, foreign waiter are on contract basis which they come and go after two years. It could be of my bad experience that they won't put in extra effort and all we did was to eat at our own risk thing and to bet on our penny. Perhaps it's the rising 'being particular' attitude in me which made me a more choosy person. Then, as a customer, or a person experienced in this line, it's more encouraging to put them to serve you at ease so at least they are more aware of your needs. The bonus part is which you won't get extra flavors to your food and you will be served promptly.

About the food, I got to understand that they are more confident towards their steak which didn't make me feel regretted. At least sauce was made from ox tail which this answered me of what kind of restaurant this is. A restaurant which touched the basics particularly, which shall brings out the basic taste, which determines the kind of chef, which determines the level of trust you can get from the food, which determines the worth of the value and the trip over. However, I'm specifying over steak, I'm not too sure about the rest honestly.

Initially started off with the salad bar which we can help ourselves to, and I felt it was generous enough over the range of selections and there wasn't any complain over un-freshness. Then came the soup which to date were all cream soup. For today, cream of barley was being served and felt amazed from the combination at first ,and again to how wonderful it taste! From my assumptions, either chicken or ox stock was used as the base and I can't actually taste barley the way I thought it was from it's beverage. Amazing! Came our main course and I always love this place for steak being served on hot piping plate which shall gradually 'cook' my medium rare sirloin steak to the texture I preferred. With a glass of red wine, it made my main course to perfection. Honestly I wasn't expecting good desert so I can't really accept the fact that my wonderful dinner shall end it this way. So, we headed to TCC instead to satisfy ourselves.

First time having chocolate devotion and it was not up to my expectations. Then came another disappointment when my Asuki Coffee to be served cold, an iced drink, which the plan of going over to end my laid back night being tarnished.

In the end, got a hot fudge sundae from Macdonalds which made me feel simplicity is the best, love the taste. Of course at my new favorite place beside Singapore River near UOB building, relaxed...

Once a month giving a treat to friends is self-fulfilment.

2009-10-08T01:57:00.003+08:00

Right now, I'm sitting by the Singapore river and it seems to be a new habit for me, an ice cream from Macdonalds in a hand and headset in the ears.

Can i say this is a form of relaxation for me?

Well, the night could be better with a more gentle breeze of wind. I guess it's true that Sagittarius are such hectic creatures that an hour of relaxation aids them for the next day. Though I'm working in a lowly paid line, a waiter, having said to be a simple job, I try all means to find the challenge from it and I do feel the need for me to do so.

At the current situation when education doesn't favor me, the more I should look at the other side which allow me to make full use of my time. Being a waiter in the day time while being a 'student' in the gym classes during evening, plus such a negative, distracted to the surroundings and self-motivating person myself, I should say these color my life appropriately.

I've always believe in doing simple things well as they are the very basic, our base. That's why I've always got comments that I see simple things too complicatedly.

Can I say I always tend to side my intuition? If not, I'll feel very uncertain and unsafe. That's me. I've once told my good friend that one should believe in what he or she is doing as you are at least at your own pace & control. You understand what you are doing, you realize what is coming, and you know how to handle it when situations come in. However, it doesn't apply that it is going to be very favorable to others as it's by own will. So what individual see a thing as 'right' could be not to others.

Still, I believe that round is a default shape to anything, so whatever has been done, one day will be back to square one again. So just do it. Guess when my mind is at the most relaxed state, I'll be back to the emotional guy once more and start to blabber.

I see people getting cans of beer and drinking by the river. I want but who want to drink with me? Or should I say whom are willing to spend such weird occasion with a weird guy like me? Haha.

Somehow it feels alright to be in my own world and just enjoy the bits and pieces of the things I do, to treasure could be a better word.

It's eleven, time to head home and get prepared for tomorrow. To add on, a BC a day keeps the doctor away :)

BC:46
SPIN:12
BP:23
BB:7
BA:2
G&J:1
BJ:1 (was absoloutely fantastic!!)