These few days have been feeling very lost. Probably I'm getting lesser positive distractions from emotions which lead me to negative distractions.

Once a while I would stone and start to ask what was all these about, the responsibility to step in to someone's route & made another junction. If ever such things shall chance upon me, I would just seal the latter path & stay focus on the current. But then, such situations doesn't happened on me. I felt like a criminal sometimes.

Again & again things kept falling apart, from my point of view. It's very one sided I should say & nothing gave me the confidence & strength to prove my worth.

Then I took another thorough look at myself & questioned, "do you have what it takes?"

BC:120
SPIN:12
BP:39
BB:9
BA:7
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1
BS: 1

It was a very random thought for me about forgiveness the very second I opened my eyes this morning. I wonder which it could be of something subsided in my mind since then.

Looking at this account, hopefully I won't be some emotional kid for the rest of the day.

True enough that having the ability to forgive is a kind of blessing. Weighing between forgiveness & pride, which ever scale is larger, for sure there is either a gain or loss which is very subjective. For my case, I do feel happier when scale of forgiveness is higher. I see a smile on the face & warmth from a heart by submerging my pride. However, it's something I hold on very dear to.

Over a dialogue, "sometimes we have to move according to situations by forgetting about fears & panic, to be brave at the same time". This is very applicable to all of us I believe. For my case, I would be a very selfish person by refusing such situation chance upon me by rejecting to be any kind soul & stay away from it. Humans are best read as one when all senses are used, for instance the sense of touch, which deems to be any kind. The ability to touch a heart for example do bring smile to the other partner & by nature, who won't like to see that? Particularly I do. And to allow that, I have to add a pair stronger wings on the scale of forgiveness.

After all losing one allows one to see more.

To date, I've been trying my best to allow such thoughts to sustain in my mind & I believe it's something that can make me sail through my life smoothly, or smoother.

If I give you my hand, will you have the courage to hold it?

BC:119
SPIN:12
BP:38
BB:9
BA:7
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1
BS: 1

Lately has not been a smooth for me when things planned initially was ruined. For instance, planning to be out on court to practice shots yet weather turned bad. Had been quite a number of encounters already.

Probably it's true that that is a reason for a cause. Having an alternative plan on a bad weather, for me is to head or stay home. Been quite a number of years that I've not been communicating well with my peers.

Over a dinner with a long lost friend, he pointed out that the upbringing of someone has to start from the family. Supposedly his driving point is influences, then it's something since young. From this friend's experiences, what I've been known was of bad teenage life. We should agree that teenage life shall factor our way of changes the most when emotions level is of the most unstable. For now, this friend is trying to amend something that was broken long ago which was his relationship with the family members. His feedback was good in a way as it aided his career path. A smoother route makes a better journey and subsequently it's harder for bad things to come in the way. This long lost friend of mine actually advised me from his experiences.

Hence, this could be implemented in to my 'cause' which I shall spend more time with my suppose-closest-to-be environment. Definitely has to do it with an open heart.

BC:114
SPIN:12
BP:37
BB:9
BA:7
G&J:1
BJ:4
BOOTCAMP:2
STEP I:1
BS: 1